Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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