I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
