My nipple is on Facebook.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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