My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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