This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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