ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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