no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
