Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
