she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
