I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
