I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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