she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
