Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
