my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
