i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just pee around me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize