What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize