Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
