Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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