Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
