I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
