I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
