Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
