You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
