i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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