my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
