you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
