that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
