I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
