windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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