i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
