conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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