turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
