i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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