Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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