I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
