Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
