im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
