Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Couch. On fire.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
