You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
