FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
