how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
