Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
