At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
