I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
