I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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