The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
