don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
