Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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