piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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