then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
