you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize