Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
