yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
