capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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