Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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