oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
