I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
