dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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