hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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