I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
