Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
