my phone needs a breathalizer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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