She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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