I want to stick my p in your. b.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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