Define "chronic" masturbator.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
