I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and she was petting her beer can
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize