I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
