Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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