i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
