they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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