Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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