I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
