we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
