I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
