We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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