like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
