The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
