wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
