I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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